Friendships. This is something Jen and I speak of constantly. Just yesterday we were gabbing gabbing gabbing on the phone about how the qualities that we seek in a friend have changed significantly over the last couple of years. Since having kids, of course, but even more since having MORE THAN ONE child. Now, this doesn’t mean that we can’t or don’t want to be friends with moms who only have one child, or with women that are only moms, it’s just that what we NEED in another woman has changed since we’ve had multiple children. Honesty. Openness. Sincerity.

I don’t need someone to stimulate my mind or speak a certain language. I need laughter. I need reliability. I need a shoulder.

Okay, I know that this response is NOT specific to your post. It’s more of a vague reference to the fact that I totally GET what you are saying. But, IN SPECIFIC RESPONSE I would say that all those questions you asked? The ones pertaining to your fears? While I understand them, mine would be more centered around whether or not the people I was hoping to take a friendship leap with were the right people at all. The slow and superficial friendships I have are like that for a reason. The immediate and intimate friendships are the ones I long for, but I know that they are much harder to come by sans summer camp and free time. So, there DOES have to be a happy medium. But I’m no help in finding a way there either. What I find is that it is most difficult just to CLICK with someone on that intimate level. And surely it is the reason I spend so much time online. This is where I can click. And I don’t have to have all those fears. I can put myself out there. We can give (when we have time) and we can take (when others have time for us) and for now it works.

(Phew, long-winded much? Sorry!)

Gale – I think you are describing something very universal here. It is most certainly not just you. I too am fascinated by the phenomenon of friendship and lament the fact that as we get older, the focus seems to be on other things – our romantic relationships, our parental relationships, etc. Studies on happiness have consistently shown that it is bonds, friends, that make us happier. I applaud you for taking the time to grapple with this exceedingly important – and largely inscrutable – topic.